I Don't Want to Be an "Addict"

(First Published Nov, 15 2008)

I remember -pretty clearly- those feelings I had the last few days before I decided to quit the pills.

I can even remember talking to my Mom (awwww….so precious) about the decision; because many of my family members have had issues with either drugs or alcohol. Great George, “out” yourself and then the rest of your family…woo hoo, everybody’s goin’ down with me!! Ok well anways, my Mom is a card-carrying AA’er and I knew what she was going to say to me. “Go to a meeting…go to thousands of meetings! Go to meetings about meetings in meetings!” Now this is not to say that I dislike AA because it has literally saved the lives of a lot of people I love and care about. It’s really not about AA in fact; it’s about the finality of it all. The weight of the decision to get sober has such an air of permanence to it. It feels like you’re making such a huge, chronic decision. I suppose one is.

AA says to take it “One Day At A Time” but it feels like more than just giving up a habit; it feels like you are also picking up a label. Addict…gag, cough cough. Sounds so greasy and lame…and weak. I clearly wasn’t excited about that. I didn’t want to let one screw-up define me for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to go to AA meetings and talk to other addicts about how horrible it was to be an addict and this and that. I guess you could sum my feelings up simply by saying that I felt as though by quitting I was going to become more of an addict than I was while I was taking pills. I didn’t want to “live my disease.”

To tell you the truth, I’m not sure if that is what gives people pause about stopping pills; not just the permanence but the feeling as if you’re punching your card in for a whole new life. “Mom, can’t I just quit and see how I feel?” [Note to reader: Although this may sound eerily like what an 8 year old would say to their Mom, I'm actually 36...or is it 37? Ok well moving on...] Maybe I could have kept it a secret but it’s not easy quitting these things…at all. You need to have people who care about you know what you’re going through. But I think it’s also important to let people know how YOU are going to define your condition going forward.

If I was a better writer it wouldn’t have taken me so long to articulate this: You can quit on your own terms. You don’t have to be an addict. If you wanted to, you could simply stop taking pills and you can go on with your life like it never even happened…if you wanted to. Most people don’t. Because there’s a reason why you became so addicted and those reasons need to be dealt with. Of course, I’m just using an extreme case to make a point. But you get what I mean right?

By quitting pills you don’t have to sign-up, join, get in the game, subscribe or release yourself to anything. You just have to quit the pills and stay sober any way that you can and get back to your life. When I say take “The First Step” I’m not talking about taking the first step towards “addiction”, I’m suggesting that you go the other way…your other way.

If This Blog Was Interesting To You, You might consider These Other Posts:

“Getting Un-Stuck”

“Life Without Pain Killers – A View From The Other Side”

“Ready For Takeoff!”

“The Brain’s Reward Center”

“When You’re Ready To Quit”