Ready For Takeoff!

Originally Published in February 2009

I used to employ a little analogy whenever I would take my pills. For me, taking my pills was akin to taking a flight on an airplane. Did you ever use something like this when you took your pills? At the time, I didn’t know why I needed to use this “high-o-meter” and thought maybe it was for the same reason I compulsively counted my pills…to make sure that I knew exactly where I stood. I hated to lose even a second of this bliss because I knew it lasted only a few minutes. The analogy would go something like this:

“Boarding the flight and buckling in:”
10 minutes prior to pill taking – Actual ingestion:  After taking the pills, I would set my watch to keep track of exactly how long I had the pills in my system. This time-slot was everything from getting the bottle out to actually taking the pills.

“Taxiing on the runway:”
5 minutes - 25 minutes post swallow: The taxiing phase culminated in that little shiver of anticipation as I could start to feel the pills start to warm up my system and start to give me energy.

“Lift-off:”
25 minutes-50 minutes post swallow: Certainly the most exhilarating part of the flight where I would be full of energy, really really funny and very talkative. Smart too. Oh and I also had the patience of Job with the little ones (I have a 2 and a 5 year old) and would miraculously play any game they wanted with me…and I truly enjoyed it! I was always willing to help out and was an altogether extremely agreeable chap. I would often say to myself during this phase, “Now this is the man I want to be all the time!”

“Cruising Altitude:”
50 minutes-2 hours post pill pop: This would be the part of the flight that became more and more routine as my “flight-hours” increased. I would feel normal and comfortable with no real decipherable “buzz.” This was also the time when I was particularly stupid and reckless with my intake as I would go through all sorts of very compelling rationales as to why I should maybe take 3 more Norco’s to see if I could reverse the tape and go back to lift-off. It never happened although I attempted this more times than I care to remember.

“Descent:”
2 hours-6 hours post dose: Yeah this was fun. The descent always included a potent blend of depression and rage. I was annoyed at anything having to do with anything other than pills or my next dose. This made life a bit difficult as you can imagine. And since it became the overwhelming emotional majority of my life, it was very hard not to associate anything else with happiness…other than pills of course. Ah, the pills…happiness. And everything else?…not so much. Whoa, wait a minute, time to get happy again!

After taking my first step and getting clean it’s pretty clear why this analogy was so important to me. Now I understand why knowing exactly how many pills I had left was so critical. My life had come down to only about an hour or so of true happiness per day and it became crucial to me. The drug -of course-  was my plane. It makes sense that when you have so little time to be content that you’re going to protect that time and you’re going to make sure that nothing…nothing gets in the way of that.

All of this happens so slowly and so insidiously that when you get to this point, it seems like it’s the only life you have ever lived. Well I can tell you with extreme confidence that by quitting pills you can get a lot of happiness back. You’ll get rid of that “liftoff” yes, but you’ll also lose the “descent.” You’ll lose a life that’s so singular of purpose in exchange for one that is far more fulfilling, energetic and rewarding. I’ll take the analogy to its logical conclusion by saying that you’ll trade in that plane for a hovercraft and you’ll be glad that you did.

If This Blog Was Interesting To You, You might consider These Other Posts:

“Getting Un-Stuck”

“Life Without Pain Killers - A View From The Other Side”

“The Brain’s Reward Center”

“When You’re Ready To Quit”